I'm Just Not Ready

I’m not ready. Plain and simple, I’m just not ready. The mere thought of leaving Aubin just makes me sick to my stomach. I never really thought that I would be one of those moms who would actually consider staying home. Too bad that is not in the cards for us right now.

Corporate America and their maternity leave is basically a joke. I was fortunate enough to receive 44.5% of my pay over the course of my 12 week absence—for which I am SUPER grateful. However, some women are not that lucky. This infographic shows how the US stacks up to the rest of the world.

Take a minute to let that sink in to your brain. At least companies like Johnson and Johnson and Google are taking steps to mitigate the short maternity leave that women receive…Don’t even get me started on paternity leave. I’m obviously upset because, I am NOT ready.

Now the time has come and I have to go back to work to help support our family. I have to leave my baby at this place that I will call “school” to make myself feel better. She will have fun, learn, and have little tiny people friends. All things that are awesome for her, but super sad for this mommy. I want to teach her things, and see her roll over for the first time. I want to take naps with her and go on walks with her and Murphy. I am not ready to let someone else spend 40+ hours with my baby.

For the next two days we will just do all of our favorite things. We will go to target and spend at least $50, accessorize to our little hearts are content, do some swimming at the pool, paint our nails, take a shushy on the couch together, hang out in the bumbo and bake, and enjoy some nice long walks around the neighborhood. 

I will go to work on Wednesday, puffy-eyed and stuffied nosed. I will choke back my tears when people ask how she is and if I am getting sleep. I will quickly get my work completed  so I can go home and spend uninterrupted time with her and her dad. Here is to being a working mom!

Do great things

Linds

Shopping with a Tiny Person

As my maternity leave is winding down, I find myself more and more upset that I have to go back to work. It seems that the only think that helps is going to the mall to buy new work clothes that I totally don't need.

Oddly enough, clothes actually fit me better now after Aubin. Schwing!! I think it is because I used my pregnancy as a 9 month bulk to eat all the things and still lift heavy as f (while still within reason). This resulted in nicer legs and a rounder tush for me. That makes shopping so much more fun...especially that I am in a smaller size than I was pre-pregnancy!! My belly still resembles pizza dough so, don’t worry, I’m not totally one of those asshole moms. Nicer butt = pizza belly, Ill take what I can get I guess.  

Lift your weights Ladies!!!

However, the most annoying thing is shopping in stores that are not accommodating for strollers. I had to Baha over boxes and racks here at Black House White Market and I totally knocked over a whole rack of shorts at target.

How the hell do I get through this tiny space??

With that being said, the absolute WORST stores for strollers are the damn baby stores!! Hanna Andersson, Gymboree, and The Children’s Place are terrible. You would think they would make lanes big enough to accommodate all of us mothers with our giant ass strollers and screaming babies. Maybe our kids wouldn’t be so pissed if they weren’t constantly getting rammed into racks and tables.

I ended up getting some awesome tops from the "Scandal Collection" at the Limited and then some other pieces at target---Hooray for not looking homeless when I go back to work!! Aubs got some new 4th of July bows, more clothes and bathing suits that she didn't need. I think she ended up getting more swag than I did. Go figure. 

She looks totally happy that I
just spent some mad cheddar on her.

The mall does have a pimped out mothers room so it makes it easier to feed her and get back to shopping. Other than that, shopping is the only thing that makes me semi forget that I have to leave this adorable-chubby-mushy-perfect face in 6 days. UGHH

Do Great Things

Linds

The Milk Boob Chronicles

I  have a two month old that is 100% alive because of me. It is so weird that I have been able to produce enough food to keep this kid full, happy, and growing.

Breastfeeding has had its highs and lows for me. I feed Aubin "on demand" so whenever she seems hungry or fussy, she gets some boob. This can be good and bad. It can calm her down, but at the same time she is attached to me all the time and Levi doesn’t get the joy of waking up with her at 3 am!!

Here are some things I have learned in this adventure of feeding my daughter:

People will stare. Whether you have a cover or not, people stare and they are idiots. I never really realized how grown-ups have completely sexualized breastfeeding. Listen fools, I’m just feeding my kid, back off. There is so much shaming on women who feed in public it is ridiculous and it needs to stop. I mean I look SOOOO inappropriate feeding her at the pool right?? If she was screaming and interrupting your precious tanning because she was hungry, I am sure you would be even more pissed off. #normalizebreastfeeding

Working out is hard. I have to time her eating about an hour before my workout, then I need to pump after to make sure I am empty. By the end of my workout, the boobies start to get full and activity gets hard. Lord knows I would not be able to run anywhere or I would poke an eyeball out.

Padding your bra is no longer looked down upon, but greatly encouraged. 

I am always sticky. Al-ways. As much as a God send a warm shower is, you get out and immediately you are dripping like an old faucet. There is also the puke factor…I will let these images do the talking (Notice the towel on my head...I had JUST gotten out of the shower when boom puke all on my shoulder, back, arm and floor.)

I know latching is not supposed to hurt, but I still feel like I am in a state of constantly getting "purple nurple"

No one has time to pump. There are two settings stimulation and let down. The stim phase is fast and 2 minutes. I'm lazy and only like to do the fast, two minute pump. (I was going to insert a sex joke here but I thought it would be inappropriate lol)

Looking at Aubin and knowing that she is alive, thriving, and gaining tons of weight because of JUST ME, is so awesome. It makes me feel like superwoman. Homegirl has rolls on rolls and is topping the scales at 13lbs (85%)!!!  She is really the coolest kid ever and we are so thankful that she is ours!!

Clayman feeding tiny girl

Sidenote: I would like to say that I do believe that formula is awesome as well. We have a stock pile of it right now that if the time comes and she needs it, she will have it. Bottle feeding is just as beautiful people. We actually keep some pre-made supplementing Enfamil bottles in our diaper bag just in case something happens and she needs food. There is no judgement on how you decide to feed your tiny person.

Do great things
Linds