The queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!

It finally happened. A few weeks ago I was having a particularly rough morning getting our lives in order for work and school. Things are usually semi easy for me in the AM, Levi goes to work out so I am in charge of my Diva Baby Miss A. 

We wake up, eat, do her breathing treatment and out the door to take her to school. Well on this day she was cranky about getting up, pissed off at her pancakes and sausage, and had no desire to sit and do her treatment. After fighting with her for what seemed like forever to put her mask on, she finally got her shit together because I had put Mickey on the TV. [Whatever you awesome parents who don’t allow your children to watch TV…you’re amazing, and we suck]

My sweet baby pointed to the couch next to her and said, “Mommy sit.”

And then it happened. I sat down on the couch and subsequently sat on the remote and turned off Mickey. After the stress of getting Aubin to even start her treatment, my first reaction was…..F*CK. And I said it---I said it out loud and with feeling while fumbling with the clicker to put precious Mickey on before the meltdown started.

I didnt do anything

“F*CK Mommy”

THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word! Just like in the Christmas story.

Oh man I'm in trouble

Okay well that just happened I thought. “Mommy is sorry Aubin, let’s watch Mickey together.” Thank God she only said it once. I’m sure she stored it in her little sponge of a brain to pull out when we are in church or at a family function. You know somewhere super appropriate.

A few days after, Levi was making her toast for breakfast and dropped the butter knife on the floor and butter slushed everywhere. He claims that he quietly said “Oh Shit” under his breath. Quietly enough so little miss parrot mouth heard and loudly exclaimed “OH SHIT DADDY!!”

Why does she have to throw us under the bus like that? Girl just cuss…don’t say Mommy or Daddy after.

Well we made it 20 months. That has to be a record for someone of my amazing sailor vocabulary right?? And for the record because I know he will love this, Yes, I was the first one to teach Aubin her first curse word...not Levi :)

Do Great things

Linds

The Milk Boob Chronicles Part 2

I have been excited and dreading writing this post for 16.5 months now. Saturday night was our last night breastfeeding. If you think about it 16 months is an aggressive amount of time to do anything let alone feed someone. I have to admit I cried like a baby. And then I cried more. NEVER in my life did I think that I would be so torn up about giving this up but at the same time I am excited to have my body back to myself.

The last supper

We have had our share of ups and downs. Feeding was awful at first. She gave me blood blisters and they would crack and bleed for the first 3 weeks we were feeding. It was some of the worst pain that I can remember. I would have to take a deep breath, let her latch, and then let her eat. (blah blah blah I know it shouldn’t hurt but whatever you people are smoking dope because it did). Anyway, then 2 months later we went through nipple confusion. She didn’t know if she wanted a bottle or the boob so that was one of our more awful experiences. I remember wanting to throw in the towel.

I will never forget going out to eat at the mellow mushroom with my mom and sister. Aubin was only 15 days old and she started crying at the restaurant. I had never fed in public so I pulled out my giant cover and put it on. Then I realized that shit was heavy, and it was hot, and I couldn’t see what I was doing. Aubin was basically on fire and was having no part of eating in a sauna. However, I wasn’t comfortable nursing without a cover then so again I was discouraged. Thank goodness we figured out how to use the two shirt method and not to give a shit about other people!! #normalizebreastfeeding

Ill miss her being milk-drunk

Feeding Lady A just became easy. She was good at it, I had a ton of milk, and it made her happy. Win-Win-Win. Pumping, not so much. That shit sucked. I hated pumping so much. No one wants to drag a suction torture device around for a year, hook it up to your tits, and just sit there like a cow all while trying to write a report that is due in 3 hours. Its just not fun. I had the worst imbalance of milk production ever. Usually it was 4:1. Im totally going to need a boob job on my right side! As an engineer (of medical devices) I am totally bamboozled on  how someone has not redesigned that piece-of-shit-tit-sucker.

straight up 4:1 ratio of milk 

Finally, we figured it out. She would nurse, I would catch up on my candy crush and all would be well in the world. 

Until recently. Aubs was getting squirmier while we fed at night. She would only nurse on one side and I was sick of fighting her and trying to “trick” her with different positions. We decided to make the jump into cutting her off last Friday so I could have a whole day to prepare. I think it was so hard for me because it is legit the last thing that is tethering her to still being a BABY.

Saturday night, we gave her a bath, and wrapped her snug in her jammies. I made Levi document the big day. I cried and Aubin patted my boob like she always did. I held her other little hand. When she was done she said “Morrre” and I had to tell her there was no more and now she is a little girl who drinks big girl milk. She honestly didn’t seem to care at that point so we snuggled up and I read her some books before kissing her goodnight and tucking her in with her white fuzzy blanket.

Crying like a baby

I look back on all the extra special time I got to spend with her one on one, the tears cried over legit spilled milk, the puke, burps, hours of zombieness, and I am thankful that we nursed for so long. Now my baby is a big girl!!

So much puke all down my arm

Here is a fun factoid: If I estimate that from beginning to end, I was making 20 ounces a day for 504 days. That equals 10,080 ounces!! Convert that into gallons and you have 78.75 GALLONS of breast milk. If we were talking in terms of formula, at $0.14 times 10080 ounces, it would have cost $1400 if it was a 1:1 ratio of milk to formula (at 2:1 ratio it is $2117). That's money for a nice vacation for us :) 

Do Great Things 

Lindsey

Open Letter To One Of My Best Friends As She Has Her First Kid

The countdown is on and your tiny princes will be arriving shortly. I am so excited for you and your entire clan of a family. I wish so much that I could be there to smush those baby cheeks and hold her while you take a shower and breathe or cry. Other than that, good luck. You have a long few months ahead of you!!

Here is my unsolicited advice for you last few weeks or days sans child.

Go on a date. Right now. Go. Out to eat, the movies, shit go anywhere. For a few weeks you won’t feel like doing anything besides sleeping.

Don't forget to take a picture of your belly as close to delivery as possible!!! It is awesome to see the differences 

Stock up on food. And honestly, probably not even real food—I’m talking some grab and eat in 5 seconds kind of food. Might I suggest clif builder bars or speghettios? Both have their pros and cons about them but I will let you decide.

You know that baby room you worked so hard to get finished prior to littles arrival??…You won’t see if for probably 2-3 months when you are okay with your kid sleeping further than 3 mm away from you. Go in there and soak it in right now. Sit in her chair and read “Ill love you forever” and enjoy a moment of silence as fat tears stream down your face.

When people offer to help-let them. When all of our friends come over to see the baby, tell them before they get to hold her, do the dishes or vacuum. Make a list of chores that will need to be done so when people come over and ask how to help it is already to go and you can just delegate. Don’t be ashamed at all. People like to feel needed and you need help. [I’ll send a meal from NC once you get settled]

Prep for having a kid come out of your vagina or belly. Either way is fine and you have “given” birth. Know you will more than likely poop during birth, and well that’s cool because whatever you’re having a damn kid. Either way you have her, you be in pain for the following days. Grab you some granny panties and a bathrobe and enjoy not wearing any pants.

Steal as much shit from the hospital as you can---or ask for it…whatever you ethical people do. Get all the newborn diapers you can snag because that shit is expensive and if you don’t have to buy it. Ask for diaper cream, onesies, nipple cream, anything you can really think of that you would need. TAKE IT ALL.

Whether you breast feed or bottle feed, it is the right way to feed your baby. Don’t let people pressure you.

These last two are my most important J

Get Daddy on the same page as you. There are going to be a ton of people all around you and you will need someone to advocate for you who is in somewhat of a “sane” mind. Make sure he knows when to tell people to GTFO and at the same time is not afraid to ask for help.

Trust your instincts. But don’t be afraid of some Mom/Friend Knowledge!! We love you and are so excited for you to enter into the mom-hood sorority!!! 

Do Great Things and Push Hard!!
Lindsey

PS I totally recommend an epidural :) 

PSS Dont blink because soon she will be a grown up!!

Airplanes and Vacation

So we recently went home to Ohio to celebrate Aubins 1^st birthday with our immediate family. This was Aubins 5^th and 6^th time on an airplane. However, this was the first time she was fully mobile. Needless to say I was pretty worried as the flight to Ohio started at bedtime and the flight back was 2 hrs prior to bedtime, which happens to be her most insane time of the day.

We prepped for the flight in every way that a parent could. Snacks on snacks on snacks were packed. The diaper bag was stocked with God knows what and the Ipad was loaded with crappy baby shows. We even went so far as to get her some cheap headphones so she could listen to the crappy baby show babble. 

For a brief moment I thought about making those little bags of candy and junk for everyone who sat around us, but thought “eh, Im lazy and don’t give a shit about others. Plus, she has just as much right to be on this flight as the adults.” I am really glad I didn’t waste my time and money on them because as we were waiting for all of her junk to come out at the baggage claim, Levi counted TWENTY SEVEN carseats that came out. Twenty freaking seven. Nope, y'all aren't getting any candy from this mom. 

I think the hardest part about traveling/vacation is working to keep the schedule that you have tried so hard to establish. Everyone wants to hang out and visit that it is just so easy to let her stay up or not nap at the normal time. The one thing that I am a “psycho parent” about (other than car seats) is bedtime/naptime. I know how much of an asshole I am when I don’t get to sleep so why on earth would I subject my little to that suckiness. We are very fortunate that my parents have a special nursery for all of their grandkids with everything we could ever need. Even though we were set up for success in every way for bedtimes it was still a giant challenge. She on average went to bed about 30 mins to an hour past her normal bedtime and boy you could tell. Homegirl was earning her “Captain Insano” nickname.

Aubs had her 3^rd birthday celebration and smashed her cake like a little chubby baby would. She also got lots of awesome presents. I would like to take this time to tell everyone THANK YOU for all of her gifts. I have been meaning to write thank you notes but I have misplaced the piece of paper that had them all listed out on it. Sorry. I could probably write a whole blog on writing thank you notes…

We had the best time being home. We fed the giraffes at the zoo, played in the jeep, had a dinner date, and took special pictures with grandma and papa. It was all worth the travel anxiety for sure!! I wish we could come home more often <3

Do great things

Linds

Tiny Princess is a Year Old!!!

One. 365 days. Wow.

Tiny princess is one year old today. My heart is so happy, sad, and proud all at the same time. I have cried 3 times already and I'm sure there are more in me!! To celebrate we recently had smash cake photos taken by Three Regions Photography and they turned out AMAZING!!!

Random Aubin facts

• Born on April fools day
• 8 teeth
• 4 plane rides
• 1 trip to the ER in an ambulance
• Walked at 10.5 months
• Waves and claps like a champ
• Loves Dora, Blaze and the Monster Machine and Blues Clues
• Great cuddler
• Murphy is her favorite puppy dog
• Can say dada, mama and uh-oh

We love you baby muffin!! Thank you for everything you do, making us proud every day, and giving us big smiles! I can't wait to watch you grow up and be an amazing badass little girl! 

Happy birthday Aubin!! We LOVE YOU!!

Here is a recap of this little person over the past year. 

Do Great Things

Lindsey

Walking Fool

The last day of January I came home from teaching boot camp and Levi was giving Aubin a bath. When I came into the bathroom, he looked at her and in a very fatherly voice said, “Aubin, are you going to tell mama what you did today at school?”  ….Great she finally punched a classmate in the face and broke his little baby teeth…I thought. Of course she cant say anything but mama and dada, so Levi continued in his Aubin voice. “Mama, I can stand up now without holding onto anything and I can take two steps by myself.” Shut the front door.

I thought for SURE she would be running in 2 weeks after that. However, we had our run in with the seizure which put her out of commission for about 2 weeks and then she needed about 2 weeks to get “back to normal.” Well, now she is just crazyyyyy about walking. She is off and to the races.

My little cabbagge patch baby doll

I would say she is OFFICIALLY walking now- as in she would rather stand up, and walk rather than crawl. She wont stand still for pictures anymore and she just wants to run. Our lives are going to get real interesting now 

Side note: It was mismatch day at school and yes she is eating a dog toy...take your judgmental asses elsewhere. 

Also---

She is now talking up a storm saying mama, dad, ut oh, and other crazy sounds. For the record her first word was dada BUT she says mama much much more. J She can wave, and blow kisses, and she does the most adorable thing where she grabs your face and tries to make out with you. I’m down for it.

Do Great Things---just like Lady A :)

Lindsey

Aubin? AUBIN?? CALL 911!!

Aubin? Aubin? Call 911.

Those words are burned in my head. They might be the scariest phrase I have ever heard.

Sunday, Aubin had a febrile seizure. The days prior she was not feeling her best by any means. She was tired, cranky and had a terrible cough which led to her throwing up after every feeding. Her temperature ranged from 101-104, and we attributed it to her teething. Around 2pm Levi brought her to me and said, do you think she looks a bit blue?? And she did. My parents were visiting from Ohio, and my dad uses a CPap machine so I went upstairs, let her lay on my chest, and put his CPap in front of her face and she perked right up. Right there I should have known I needed to take her to the emergency room. Then around 7, we decided that it was time to go to the ER because she was just miserable. I was on  the phone with our insurance trying to figure out what hospital was covered (again terrible mom not knowing that!!) and I hear those awful words…Aubin? AUBIN?? CALL 911!!

That was by far the scariest three minutes of my life. I was on the phone with 911, my mom and Levi were with Aubin, and my dad was getting things we needed to go to the hospital. Everyone just knew their roles, kept as calm as possible, and focused on helping Aubs. Watching your child convulse, be unresponsive, and turn blue is absolutely the worst, most helpless feeling in the world. The paramedics showed up and explained she had a Febrile Seizure as a result of her 104 temperature. A baby has these seizures to regulate their temperature if it gets too high. Aubin was strapped into the ambulance and she just looked so scared and upset.

The ride to Duke took forever, or so it seemed. She got sick twice on the way there and her heart rate was over 200 but her oxygen was in the low 80s. Once we were in the emergency department they tried to start an IV on her. She was stuck 4 times before they brought in the ultrasound to get her vein. Awful. Again, holding your child down so someone can make them a pin cushion is just awful. After that she went for a chest xray where we found out she had bacterial pneumonia-which was causing all of her coughing. We were admitted around 1 am.

The next 3 days were full of nurses, doctors, temp and oxygen checks. Aubin was unable to regulate her O2 levels so she needed a nasal cannula and then a tube called a blow by to make sure she was getting enough. She was just not herself and just wanted to cuddle all day and all night long. One of us would sleep with her in our chair while the other slept on the floor of the hospital room. While it wasn’t the most ideal situation, we made the best of it. 

The last day, we were cleared to take her with us to the cafeteria in a wagon and low and behold we ran into our doctor. Aubin was alert and happy when we saw him, and once he saw her, he said that we would be going home that day!

Aubin is doing much better but we are still on alert for any difference in her. We went out and purchased 500 bottles of baby Motrin so we can give it to her at the first sign of a fever. The hardest thing about this is knowing that there is a high possibility that this can happen again. All we can do is be as vigilant and prepared as possible. I wish we would have known about febrile seizures from day one. If I could tell anyone who has kids, please be mindful of temperatures and trust your gut so you don’t know have to go through what we went through. 

Thank you to everyone for the calls, texts, facetimes, emails, visits, food, thoughts and prayers. We truly appreciate all of you and so does little miss!! 

Do Great Things

Linds