Is Butter A Carb?: February 2018

Wouldn't it be nice if this was how babies showed up at your house?? Just skip being pregnant and huge, and you open the door to a sweet little baby muffin?? Yeah, me too.

Feb 3

Contractions started at 6am. Super light no real pain but def something. We laid around until 7:30 and I cuddled Aubin knowing it could be our last morning cuddles with her as an only child.

I sent Levi and Aubin to soccer as normal and began tracking things closer. Contractions were still super light but around 5 mins apart. I called the nurse line and she told me to go in because it was my second child even though I could talk through the contraction.

Selfie on the way to have a baby

We of course had to make a pit stop at harbor freight because “It’s on the way Linds!!!” Seriously, my husband is a peach right?? This was when I started to notice less contractions. We finished up returning the air compressor and went to the hospital. Now nothing was really happening. I changed into my gown and they tossed the monitors on. We were there a total of 46 minutes and I had 2 contractions. The Doctor came in and after checking me said well, you’re still 3cm and 50% (which is what I was on the previous Monday) so we are going to send you home until things get much stronger. Cool.

We made the walk of shame out of the hospital. I went home, ate a donut and took a nap. Apparently, God wanted to give me the chance to take cute hospital pictures because He knew that shit wasn’t going to happen when I really went into labor.

The hospital gown my mom made
for my deliveries with Aubs and Nolan

Feb 5

Me: What the hell was that thump? Damn dude just KICKED me hard. What time is it?? 3:36, cool 3 more hours to sleep. Wait that wasn’t a kick, that was my water breaking! “Hey Levi, umm my water broke. I’m going to hop in the shower and then straighten my hair.” “Call Holly, have her come over Linds” “Levi, chill out we have time.” Famous last words right there.

I realized that we “didn’t have time” about half way through straightening my hair. My contractions were wicked crazy and shit got REAL stupid fast. To the point that I couldn’t move, talk or do anything during them. Thank God Holly came over right away to stay with Aubin. We left for the hospital around 4:40am as I was kneeling on the front seat, huddled over the back of the chair, yelling to Levi that we could quite possibly have a baby in the car.

We got to the hospital at 5:05 where I threw my ID and insurance card at the registration lady. Please just take me to Labor and Delivery people. Im shaking and making stupid noises and I can’t sit. I don’t have time to “check in” we can do this later you twats.

Around 5:20 I was in my delivery room. I immediately told them to call Anesthesia so I could get an epidural---they laughed at me and said well we need to get this IV in and pump some fluid into you first. Well get on it Karen, I’m dying. The Doctor checked me and I was 5 cm. The IV went in and all I could do was hold on to Levi every single contraction, shake, and sweat. There was SO MUCH SWEAT. The nurse checked me 10 minutes later (because I seemed to be in a LOT of pain) and I was 9 cm. Cool 5cm-9cm in 10 mins---no wonder I want to die.

Finally, around 6am the anesthesiologist came in and began her work. Two sticks to numb the area—okay Linds you got this—get it together Linds. Homegirl can’t put something in your SPINE when you are moving all over. Try 1—nope—try 2 – nope. “Honey, you need to stay still. Please stop shaking” “Fuck off Levi” Try 3—nope.

The anesthesiologist: “Lindsey, I can try one more time, but you HAVE TO stop moving. I keep hitting bone.”

Me: “F it, let’s have a baby now.”

Anesthesiologist: “Good call because this would not take by the time you have this baby anyway.”

I flip back to all fours. (which for some reason was the only semi comfortable position during this whole entire labor) “Lindsey, do you want to lay on your back to do this???” “Fuck off Levi” “Okay we are doing this on all fours.”

No one was ready but me. One contraction, and two pushes later, Nolan Marshall Johnson came into this world at 6:21 am. 2 hours and 45 minutes after my water broke. Fast and Furious with no pain medication. Not at all how we planned it to go but absolutely perfect in its own way.