Mommy Guilt

So I have been going back and forth about writing about this because A) I feel way guilty about it and B) This is a topic that many pregnant woman experience but don’t talk about. This in no way is meant to be a bitch fest, or woe is me, but something I need to get off my brain. I am absolutely ecstatic to be pregnant and cannot wait to see my little girl’s face in 20 weeks.  I know there are millions of women who want so badly to have what we have and it is not my intent to offend anyone, I just want to be real.

I have been feeling so in the doldrums lately that I am not quite sure what my issue is. I haven’t been feeling well at all for the past…uhhh 20 weeks, and I think it is starting to take a toll. Out of the 140 days I have been pregnant, I have at the very least gotten sick 100 of them. For all you non mathletes out there, that's 71.4%, or 7 out 10 days, I’m ralphing. Can you imagine starting 7 out of 10 days getting sick? Not to mention the fact that I have to hold my stomach together so I don’t rip my abs anymore from the pressure. Some say take Zofran---it will help you not feel so gross. That is until you puke it up, or it makes you unable to poop. Great now I’m still puking and I can’t poop for days

I get to work, and try my best to smile and be the same bubbly Lindsey, but guess what, I feel like shit all the time. Once I come home from work, I feel so exhausted that I just want to lay my ass on the couch and get my feet rubbed. And don’t for one second think that this foot rub will turn into something else…getting fresh is not on my agenda--Sorry bro that’s a lot of work.  I am a terrible wife. I suck at my typical daily chores. Our kitchen is a hot mess, and I sure as hell don’t want to fold laundry. Poor Levi has to pick up all the slack for me. You are a good man Levi-I love your face. I would rather just make some soup and watch food network. I thought the Second Trimester was full of rainbows and fat unicorns with angels singing Missy Elliot.

I miss having a flat belly and being able to work out ‘balls to the wall’ and try new things at the box. Drinking water is something that I never thought would cause me issues, but it does now!!!! I used to drink a gallon of water every day at my desk and now I have to choke down 2 or 3 glasses a day if I am lucky. Water tastes like death.

While I am not a huge drinker anyway, watching LJ drink beers around a fire or during Sunday football makes me feel resentful because I can’t join in, and I am of course the DD. And I will be the DD for the next year or so. Maybe resentful isn’t the correct word but it’s what I am going with right now.

Basically, I know that I am being selfish but this is way harder than I thought it would be. I think people expect you to be all over the moon and act like wonder woman all the time but it is like a roller coaster of wild emotions.

I need to look at the bright side of all of this. I have 20 more weeks to feel baby girl kick and roll inside me. LJ will never get to experience a giant kick, from the inside, after a sweet snack. He was able to feel her for the first time last Sunday and it was amazing to see his face light up when she barrel rolled in my belly. I can still workout, and I am still PR-ing life. Even though I might be a crabby brat right now, I have many things to be thankful for this thanksgiving season.  Love you tiny princess—I cant wait to meet you!!

Mama and Baby J Updates:

How far along? 20 Weeks WHOOOAAA we’re halfway thereeeeeee!

Sleep: I am exhausted

Best moment this week: Watching LJs face light up like I have never seen it before when he felt her roll over

Miss Anything? Reread this post.

Movement: yessss usually after eating…definitely after eating sweet things

Workouts: still keeping at it 

Food cravings: I got a whole shit load of chipotle salsa and chips from a work lunch on Monday and that made me happy.

Have you started to show yet: I think I am out of the “Fat or Pregnant” 

Gender prediction: She is a little lady

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am a hot mess.

Looking forward to: Our Thanksgiving Babymoon Cruise to the Bahamas!!!!!!

Do Great Things
Linds