Mommy Guilt

So I have been going back and forth about writing about this because A) I feel way guilty about it and B) This is a topic that many pregnant woman experience but don’t talk about. This in no way is meant to be a bitch fest, or woe is me, but something I need to get off my brain. I am absolutely ecstatic to be pregnant and cannot wait to see my little girl’s face in 20 weeks.  I know there are millions of women who want so badly to have what we have and it is not my intent to offend anyone, I just want to be real.

I have been feeling so in the doldrums lately that I am not quite sure what my issue is. I haven’t been feeling well at all for the past…uhhh 20 weeks, and I think it is starting to take a toll. Out of the 140 days I have been pregnant, I have at the very least gotten sick 100 of them. For all you non mathletes out there, that's 71.4%, or 7 out 10 days, I’m ralphing. Can you imagine starting 7 out of 10 days getting sick? Not to mention the fact that I have to hold my stomach together so I don’t rip my abs anymore from the pressure. Some say take Zofran---it will help you not feel so gross. That is until you puke it up, or it makes you unable to poop. Great now I’m still puking and I can’t poop for days

I get to work, and try my best to smile and be the same bubbly Lindsey, but guess what, I feel like shit all the time. Once I come home from work, I feel so exhausted that I just want to lay my ass on the couch and get my feet rubbed. And don’t for one second think that this foot rub will turn into something else…getting fresh is not on my agenda--Sorry bro that’s a lot of work.  I am a terrible wife. I suck at my typical daily chores. Our kitchen is a hot mess, and I sure as hell don’t want to fold laundry. Poor Levi has to pick up all the slack for me. You are a good man Levi-I love your face. I would rather just make some soup and watch food network. I thought the Second Trimester was full of rainbows and fat unicorns with angels singing Missy Elliot.

I miss having a flat belly and being able to work out ‘balls to the wall’ and try new things at the box. Drinking water is something that I never thought would cause me issues, but it does now!!!! I used to drink a gallon of water every day at my desk and now I have to choke down 2 or 3 glasses a day if I am lucky. Water tastes like death.

While I am not a huge drinker anyway, watching LJ drink beers around a fire or during Sunday football makes me feel resentful because I can’t join in, and I am of course the DD. And I will be the DD for the next year or so. Maybe resentful isn’t the correct word but it’s what I am going with right now.

Basically, I know that I am being selfish but this is way harder than I thought it would be. I think people expect you to be all over the moon and act like wonder woman all the time but it is like a roller coaster of wild emotions.

I need to look at the bright side of all of this. I have 20 more weeks to feel baby girl kick and roll inside me. LJ will never get to experience a giant kick, from the inside, after a sweet snack. He was able to feel her for the first time last Sunday and it was amazing to see his face light up when she barrel rolled in my belly. I can still workout, and I am still PR-ing life. Even though I might be a crabby brat right now, I have many things to be thankful for this thanksgiving season.  Love you tiny princess—I cant wait to meet you!!

Mama and Baby J Updates:

How far along? 20 Weeks WHOOOAAA we’re halfway thereeeeeee!

Sleep: I am exhausted

Best moment this week: Watching LJs face light up like I have never seen it before when he felt her roll over

Miss Anything? Reread this post.

Movement: yessss usually after eating…definitely after eating sweet things

Workouts: still keeping at it 

Food cravings: I got a whole shit load of chipotle salsa and chips from a work lunch on Monday and that made me happy.

Have you started to show yet: I think I am out of the “Fat or Pregnant” 

Gender prediction: She is a little lady

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am a hot mess.

Looking forward to: Our Thanksgiving Babymoon Cruise to the Bahamas!!!!!!

Do Great Things
Linds

Boy or Girl?? Gender Reveal for Baby Johnson!

Tuesday was probably one of the best days ever! It started with a good wholesome Novak breakfast of giant cinnamon rolls and a poorly timed glass of orange juice (after I had brushed my teeth) to get the baby all wiggly for the anatomy scan.

We had decided to not find out the sex of the baby at the appointment but to have the sonographer put the picture in an envelope and we would take it to our friends Sam and Brian. They would then create little silly string spray bottles for people to spray at us and reveal the gender!!!  

My mom and Levi went to the appointment all giddy and crazy excited. Susie had never seen an ultrasound at this point in a pregnancy so it was really fun for her to watch all the cool stuff they could measure now. This kid is GIANT…and obviously a Novak. The doctor came in and said “Well, your baby is in the 90% for overall size” and I just laughed. Duh-look at my dad…and for that matter the rest of us. Of course I am not going to have a normal sized kid. I think they coolest part was seeing the babies feet because if anyone has ever seen my Fred Flintstone feet, they know I have ZERO arch and my feet look like giant rectangles—lo and behold our kid has sad rectangle feet too. Sorry baby love-that’s another Pa Novak trait that was so generously passed down J

After painstakingly waiting for 10 hours, 7PM finally rolled around and people started showing up to our house for the party!! We had a bunch of desserts in pink and blue, juice, among other fun treats. No one cares really because we all just want to find out what Baby J is going to be.

BABY J IS A LITTLE LADY!!! OMG a girl! Like bows, pierced ears, and pedicures. ….Oooooo a girl!??! Doesn’t God know what I was like growing up?? I have been saying prayers that she gets more of Levi’s personality because if she even is half like me we are in trouble and so is the rest of the world.

I cant wait to stock her closet full of pink, animal print, and ruffle everything. Man, she is going to be so cool. And lets be serious...Levi is probably going to be the best dad ever...look at this stupid cute outfit he picked out!!!

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 19 weeks --measuring at 20 weeks

Sleep: Decent-just waking up with a stiff neck lately

Best moment this week: Duh we are having a lady!!

Miss Anything? Wine. 

Movement: YES so much. I just want LJ to feel her. We probably spend an hour a day with his hand on my belly, and me saying did you feel that one? Tell me you felt that one!!

 Workouts: Getting back on the horse today. 

Food cravings: Chipotle

Have you started to show yet: yep--still feel chubby but whatever.

Gender prediction: ITS A GIRRRLLLLL

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been super moody lately. Probably because I havent worked out in a decade.

Looking forward to: buying all the pink things 

Do Great Things

Linds

Travel Bunny Foo Foo

Over the past 2 weeks I have been quite the travel bunny, which basically means I have been in a constant stage of jacked up ears and congestion. We went to one of our friends weddings in Ohio from Oct 23-28 and then I traveled for work Nov 3-6.

Our trip to Ohio was great!! We were able to visit with the Novaks Thursday-Sunday. Saturday was Vinny and Deas wedding- which was absolutely perfect. 

It was very fun to see LJ with all of his old high school and college buddies again. Things that are not fun: watching everyone get shitfaced and having to listen to the same talk over and over because they don’t remember what they have already talked about. Sunday was a very odd day. I would have thought Levi would have been hungover as hell, but amazingly he was perfect and I was the one that felt “hungover.” It was the first time that I had ever thrown up more than once in a day- THREE to be exact. I even had to make Levi pull the car over on 75 so I could ralph on the side of the road. Real classy linds.

Sunday we went to Clays game to watch him go undefeated and WIN the Rose Bowl. These 3^rd and 4^th graders are no joke. Little dudes are throwing tight 30 yard spirals, catching them, and taking it to the house. Freaking awesome. Look at this stud-he is SOOO going to be an Ohio State lineman.

Work trip to Boston-- Did I mention that I might be the world’s worst flyer?? With all my ghetto ear issues, flying just isn’t my favorite thing ever. The flight there was okay, but Tuesday I woke up with the suckiest sore throat and stuffed up nose. The last day of the trip really sucked because I woke up, tried to sniffle, shot snot to the back of my throat and ended up vomming in the hotel toilet. There truly is nothing worse than that right there. How many strange butts have been on that toilet? Yep I went there.

The flight home is really what blew. My ear drums were like rice crispies and then would just whistle. On top of all that junk, I had a dude next to me that should have purchase 2 seats. Hey man, if you don’t care that your whole right flank is hanging over the armrest and into my space then guess what, I am going to use your flank to rest my elbow. Thank you very much sir for the plush armrest. I basically have to schedule doctors appointments every time I get home following work trips because I am all sick and jacked up in the ears.

Hopefully, I get better within the next few days because Ma and Pa Novak fly in Sunday for the big reveal party!!

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 18 weeks

Sleep: sleeping better actually, sometimes even through the night!!

Best moment this week: Finally being home after the work trip

Miss Anything? McNuggets with Sweet and Sour-I cried in the drive thru because they were out of sweet and sour sauce. Ruined my whole damn day.

Movement: Tiny is getting crazy in there!! I find myself just holding my belly and staring in space enjoying the kicks

 Workouts: I just want to be able to breathe right now. First thing is first.

Food cravings: Strawberries

Have you started to show yet: I got told yesterday “No Offence, but you look huge for 18 weeks”

Gender prediction: Little Lady

Happy or Moody most of the time: Sick. So I am an asshole.

Looking forward to: TUESDAYS GENDER REVEAL

Do Great Things

Linds