Wait...is Lindsey crying?? There's No Crying in Baseball!!

Growing up I was never been a “crier.” We just didn’t roll like that in the Novak house hold. You got your shit together and you operated under the A League of Their Own quote "There's no crying in baseball!!"

I can remember only 1 time that I cried during high school in front of people, and that was during a basketball game against Oberlin. A very large girl dropped my ass with an elbow to the eye while I was running a fast break. For the record my eye socket was indeed broken, so I had a really good reason to cry the way that I did.  Anyway, I’m not a crier-I don’t like my face being wet, my makeup all jacked up, and I just don’t look pretty when I do it.

Well that has all changed since this baby has taken over my life. I cry about everything. It is almost comical the way my emotions have taken a 180. You name it I have cried about it.

   1.       OMG this stick says we are going to have a baby. Tears---totally legit reason to cry

   2.       The Crossfit Games? Really Linds?? I believe it was a 21-15-9 Complex and the last guy to finish his pull ups and bar muscle ups had been struggling so hard and couldn't get over the bar. He ripped his callouses open and his hand was bleeding everywhere. One of the competitors that had already finished and was cheering him on, pulled his glove off and gave it to him so he could finish. Gooo Teamwork!!!Why the hell am I crying?

   3.       The Today Show. That shit gets me on a daily basis. On Al freaking Roker's birthday they showed a video of him being awesome. He was fat, then he got healthy, then he ran a marathon! Im losing it. What a dude. Al Roker is on my list of people I need to meet because he is legit. I also cried A LOT when Savannah got pregnant, during her baby shower, once she had her baby, and anytime they talk about her. Stupid Today Show making people cry.

   4.       I cried in the McDonalds drive through line because they didn’t have any sweet and sour sauce for my nuggets. You are McDonalds how the hell don’t you have sweet and sour sauce?? I think this is also a legitimate reason to cry as well.

   5.       Random commercials make me weep. The dog ones, the veteran ones, ones about weight loss or eating at the cheesecake factory. I’m a big blubbery mess when I watch TV.

   6.       I cried like Kim Kardashian in my boss’s office. Like totally should have gotten my ass up, went to the bathroom, gave myself a pep talk and then came back, kinda cry. Not one of my proudest moments. The sad thing is, I know I looked exactly like this. ugh.

   7.       Damn Facebook is the worst. It’s either people saying stupid shit to me or people posting heart wrenching articles. Either way I’m crying.

   8.       I cried standing outside of Sam and Brian’s hospital room waiting to see 8 hour old Eli. What a tiny precious muffin.

   9.       Finally, the mother of all waterworks. The article written by Jenny Gerson called “They Should Have Warned Me” If you have 5 minutes and are somewhere that you are cool with crying, read it. You wont be disappointed. 

      I know this is totally not going to stop any time soon once she gets here either. In fact it will get worse I'm sure. I guess I am no longer "Lindsey Effing Novak" as Levi likes to call me when I am acting like a hardass. I have grown a heart and now have a soft pillowly soul. I'm just a little momma who loves to cry :)

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 29 weeks small cabbage 3 lbs or 17 inch laptop screen per "relatable sizes of the baby" 

Sleep: Really awesome lately

Best moment this week: Levi singing to me and dancing with me in the kitchen today

Miss Anything? Being thinner

Movement: SOOOO MUCH

Workouts: Feeling so awesome lately! I am still able to do some light workouts with boys at lunch and go to crossfit or spin

Food cravings: FISH TACOS!!
Belly Button: Innie still---I must have had a serious innie at the beginning of this.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Looking Forward To: Nursery stuff, My Final trip to Tecate (getting REAL fish tacos) and then my baby showers that are coming up!!

Do Great Things!!!
Linds

Did You Really Just Say That to Me??

In lieu of Wednesday's Facebook debacle of off handed pregnancy comments, I figured I needed to bust this post out. I have been biding my time to write on this topic because I felt like I needed to gather enough ammo to really make it worth your while. With my blood pressure at an all-time high I would say the time has come my friends, the time has come.

We will travel through my wonderful pregnancy taking a quick moment to reflect on all the idiots in my life. All of these are indeed true moments that I have encountered.

1.       When will you be having babies or It is almost your turn to have a kid! Let’s get a few things straight right now…You don’t know my story. Maybe, we have been trying for 4 years and can’t conceive. Maybe, I just had a miscarriage, and you’re a dickhead. Maybe, I am pregnant and just don’t want to tell you. Or maybe, I don’t want to have babies. Mind your damn business. If you find yourself wanting to ask someone this, you are an asshole.

2.       Congrats you are pregnant!!!! Were you trying to have a baby?? For the record, Baby J was planned. I am a planner and need to have my life somewhat in order before any big decision is made. I also am a married grown up, who knows the implications and overall cost of a child---i.e. plan that shit out!! But seriously, how many people want to say “Uhh yeah, well we had an accident and now I am knocked up!!” It’s rude. I don’t care how good of friends you are. If you were that good of friends, you would probably know that they were trying to have a baby in the first place. If you're not good friends then it is not your place to ask anyway. Either way don’t ask it’s effed up.

a.       NOTE: Facebook is NEVER-EVER-EVER a place to post this shit. If you think it is, you are most definitely incorrect and should continue reading this blog post…and then reread because you have probably committed a few of these sins before. Here is the little ditty that inspired this blog to be posted today. Before responding to this post on my wall, I played with about 3 different replies that I wanted to say and finally decided this was the most appropriate.

I received over 15 different texts, calls, and concerned emails saying…What the hell? Is this shit serious? Loved your response! I eventually figured out how take the post down but not after the world saw it. Don’t ever do this.

3.       There is this strip club in Ohio where only women over 6 months pregnant dance. This was seriously brought up to me. And NO, I was not in Ohio when it was mentioned, I was in NC, so someone clearly did research on this topic. If you were wondering, I had no response. Like zero things to say. If you know me, you know that never happens in my life. I was stunned just staring at this man.

4.       Saying rude shit to me now that I am pregnant. OMG your life is over. What are you going to do? How are you going to afford a baby? What are your plans for work—will you go back?? You better go on some trips now because you can’t when you have the baby. What are you going to do to get your body back---Are you worried? Listen, we are grown-ups and while we know this will be a very hard adventure at some times, we are prepared to be the best parents that we can.

5.       YOU LOOK HUGE!!! Ahh yes. Eff you to man, Eff you! Have you ever been throat punched by an agitated pregnant woman? You have about 3 seconds to leave. And your mom looks huge-so there.

6.       Are you still pregnant? or Are you sure there isn’t more than one in there? Yep, still pregnant, because I am still at work. People just don’t have a baby and the next day they are back typing up protocols and handling their business. And YES I AM SURE THERE IS ONLY ONE CHILD. There has been one in every ultrasound. This is the equivalent of #5. Watch out, a throat punch is coming in 3..2…1.

7.       You look a lot further along: Again with the giant people jokes!?! Do people forget human decency when they see pregnant people?? I get it that it was about 4 weeks that you didn’t see me around Christmas time but I mean there is something growing inside of me. I'm going to look larger after 4 weeks. 

So I will leave you with some thoughts from Levi and myself.

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 28 weeks large eggplant or 13 inch man boot per "relatable sizes of the baby" 

Sleep: We changed the comforter on our bed and I have been sleeping like a champ

Best moment this week: LJs parents visiting, celebrating Christmas with them, and having all my friends back me up and flip out over that facebook post J

Miss Anything? cheese

Movement: I have been trying to get some good videos of her moving my stomach but as soon as I press record she knows…she always knows…..

Workouts: I have been feeling so great lately that I have been able to do some easier lunch time workouts while still crossfitting in the evening!!!

Food cravings: same stuff. strawberries
Belly Button: Innie still

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, until people say dumb shit

Looking Forward To: Hanging up all the clothes she got for Christmas from the Johnsons and getting her nursery in order.

Do great things

Lindsey

2015 Make It Great

The holidays are finally over and life has semi gone back to normal for most people. For me, I just like to complicate things more than they need to be. I am currently on a work trip to Boston to get shit done. I figured that if I already had to travel, I should just make a pit stop and see my family in Ohio. So that is what I did from Jan 1-5th. Ma Novak was super surprised and I got to see Scotties new baby, family, and friends…totally perfect!!! Now, I am in Boston, on my birthday week, feeling like I need to get home and get my “new year” started.

With that being said, it is now that time of the year where everyone reevaluates their lives and wants to be a better person. <<insert fart noise>> I don't need to be a better person (lol--dont judge me you asshole), I really just want to have a healthy kid and be happy in the New Year…nothing too crazy. I figured writing down a list of things for the New Year is always a good plan right??

Mommy Wise:

1. Be a badass mom

2. Breastfeed as long as possible

3. Be patient, kind and loving to Levi
   a. Still go on a date or two every once in a while

   b.Am I a dick to have to make that one of my “goals”?…Man, I suck. Sorry Boss.

4. Instill “We will watch your baby-you go out” with Sam and Brian
   a.Stick to it

Workout Wise:

Crossfit goals:
1. Lose baby weight
2. Thirty unbroken double unders---without peeing if possible
3. Toes to bar, I need to figure that shit out.
4. Back Squat of 240/250, Bench 140/150

Sync

1. Get back into teaching

Levi

1. Be supportive and understanding with Levi’s workout and eating routines.
    a. He has always done it for you, so it’s only right to be in his corner

Work:

1. Enjoy work
   a.Strive to be happy
   b.Make someone laugh throughout the day

2. Close at least 2 New Product Development projects

Real life:

1. Put down my cell phone
2. Get rid of all clothing with rips, holes or tears.
   a.This goes for tank tops that are worn as undershirts that no one sees. Don't be a slob.

3. Take more photos

4. Put our relationship first

5. Be awesome every day---like the Kid President would want.

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 26.3 weeks --- 13 inch man boot per "relatable sizes of the baby" 

Sleep: I suck at sleeping lately and have been sleeping in the guest bedroom with Murphy-dog so I don't wake up LJ

Best moment this week: Surprise I'm HOMEEEEEEE!! I went home to surprise my mom and dad before a work trip to Boston!!

Miss Anything? Wine. 

Movement: Tiny Dancer

Workouts: I went to LA Fitness when I was home and took a spin class and then worked legs and it was ridiculous. Everyone was staring at me like they had never seen a pregnant lady squatting. Get out of here with that shit globo-gym.

Food cravings: Pa Novak made ribs and sauerkraut on the 1st and I was in heaven
Belly Button: Innie

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Looking forward to: Returning from a work trip to Boston and all the Christmas decorations being taken down....without me having to do it

Do Great Things
Linds

Surviving the Holidays

This year Christmas was awesome. We stayed in North Carolina and didn't have to travel back to Ohio which made things way easier on us. We did the traditional Skype Christmas with the Novak's and Levi's parents are planning a trip down in early January. Baby J really cleaned up! She got way more gifts than Levi and I put together! My parents even did a theme with all of her gifts. Gifts for when baby J wants to dress up, a gift for her when she wants to watch the Buckeyes kick ass, and some for when she wants to play with all her friends. A HUGE thanks to everyone-we really appreciate it!! Although, I do have to say that the best part of Skype Christmas is you just have to turn off the Ipad. Later family! Have fun cleaning up--we are going back to our super quite house now!!

We then went to Sam and Brian's for traditional family holiday. Since both of our family's live in different states, we normally spend all of our holidays together. We are lucky to have them here in NC. I brought over ham, tater tot bombs, and loaded potato bites. Tater tot bombs are the shit by the way. It's just a tater tot, a 1x.25inch hunk of cheddar cheese and a bit of thyme, all wrapped in bacon, rolled in brown sugar and baked until golden and delicious. Totally worth the bubble guts from the cheese. Get on that level man.

The rest of the days were all about sleeping in, shopping, and hanging wallpaper in tiny princess’s room. Homegirl, absolutely HAD TO HAVE the pink Carhartt overalls with hearts for the buttons.

I mean, how can you pass that up?? That's like a direct report to the "Better Mother's Bureau." (Yes, Ma Novak threatened me many times to call this imaginary place to report me growing up. She did not want me to beat my dolls up and cut their hair. LOL)

Anyway, I'm pretty pumped about the way things are turning out in her bedroom. I’ll tell you what, the best way to test a marriage is to hang wallpaper with a pregnant, overly stressed, type A, engineer. Levi really should be nominated for sainthood---love your face boss! We ended up having a Sunday marathon day at Buy Buy Baby, buying her furniture, and starting the process of registering. Everything is coming together!! Less than 15 more weeks!

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 25.3 weeks a turnip...I think these veggies are wonky because in my world a turnip is smaller than the 24 week ear of corn. I think this dude summed it up pretty well with "relatable sizes of the baby" From now on I will probably use these...Girlfriend is the size of a 13 inch man boot.

Sleep: I have been having wicked dreams lately and have been back to tossing and turning

Best moment this week: Wallpaper and furniture

Miss Anything? Back on the lunch meat kick again.

Movement: Move ya body like a cycloneeeeeeeeee

Workouts: Did my first suicide Sunday since God knows when and felt awesome!! TRX and a cycle class make my heart full.

Food cravings: I still want Strawbs
Belly Button: Still a giant innie Novak belly button, but it has started to get shallower.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been on the nicer side. It was Christmas you know!

Looking forward to: Returning from a work trip to Boston and all the Christmas decorations being taken down....without me having to do it

No Milk?? You mean I am...Lactose Intolerant??

Lactose intolerance: also called lactase deficiency, means you aren't able to fully digest the milk sugar (lactose) in dairy products. It's usually not dangerous, but symptoms of lactose intolerance can be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable. Lol thanks mayo clinic I bet they paid you a lot for that awesome definition.

In the past 4 weeks I have really noticed that every time I have dairy I feel like death. I can hear my stomach over the TV and my gas is out of this world (more so than normal pregnancy.) I thought I was just crazy but apparently this is a normal thing in the world of making babies. Just add it to the list of weird shit that happens.

This whole lactose thing has become quite comical in the Johnson household. On the night that finally put the nail in the lactose coffin, I had a bowl of cereal for dinner. Freaking cereal. How much milk do you really drink when you eat cereal?? I mean, I am not drinking the sugar milk after I eat my shredded wheat, so maybe ¼ of a cup?? Levi and I were trying to go to sleep but we were laughing so hard for over 25 minutes about my fart power. I was amazing. Like the ultimate dutch ovener. Feel my wrath!!!!

So yeah. Now I have all this delicious milk in my fridge and I can’t drink it. Those cheese cravings, yep, they are stronger than ever.   In the grand scheme of things I guess it’s not so bad. We got soy milk but it tastes like water-edamame unless it is in coffee, and almond milk just hasn’t been doing it for me lately. I might just have to say goodbye to cows for the next 16 weeks.

I just really hope this hasn’t been a cause because Baby J has some crazy milk allergy. That would be awful. Let’s pray that she is cool and I become normal again after having her. Here is a little 4 weeks vs 24 weeks...with a side of Murphy J of course. 

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 24 weeks...corn. Homegirl is an ear of corn.

Sleep: Like a boss

Best moment this week: Letting so many other people feel her kick!!

Miss Anything? Milk duh

Movement: Tornado. That is the best way to describe her.  

Workouts: Still a lady beast

Food cravings: Strawberries too bad they are 5 bucks a pop now

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happier this week

Looking forward to: Truchan and Ashley spending the weekend with us and hopefully buying a crib soon!!

Best Parts About Growing a Human

I realize that mostly I have been writing about the crappy parts about having a baby. Not all of it is sucktown. There are some really cool things that I have come across as well!!

First and foremost, the freedom to not track my food. Since high school I have always been “aware” of what I was eating. I have never been a super skinny lady – nor do I want to be – but I have always been on the watch. While I am not stuffing my face full of shit, I haven’t tracked my food in over 5 months and it is so refreshing. I do still monitor my weight and am very pleased that I have only gained 14 lbs at this point.

Feeling like a lady beast when I lift and workout. There is nothing cooler than being able to PR a  lift while you are growing a human. I love when people look at me and say “OMG, I can’t believe you are still working out!” “How do you do it?” or my personal favorite “You look like a badass!” That’s right people, I do look like a badass because, well, I am.

People are usually overly nice to you. I can get down with this. I’m all about making people smile, so when people go out of their way to be nice to me because of my growing belly, it makes my heart full. I love having doors opened for me, or cutting in line at the ladies room. Keep up the good work friends.

My hair is absolutely ridiculous. In the past 5 months it has grown well over 6 inches. I do have some of those crazy fly away pregnant hairs but I honestly like them…they are cute.

I get a lot of foot rubs. 

It is a great reason to wear all of your husband’s sleep pants and tee shirts!! Levi has these awesome sweatpants that I got him when we first started dating (8 years ago) and they are just amazing. He gets so pissed when I wear them but I am allowed because I am housing his child.

With my strange addiction with watching the food network, I am able to whip up whatever I see on the tv and it not be super weird. The other day the pioneer woman made Crème Brulee and I just HAD to have it. Good thing Ma Novak taught me to cook and my taste buds are OOC.

While my boobs are ridiculously out of control, they are still pretty awesome. I know of zero people who don’t like a nice giant rack.

Any time we go out to eat anywhere I get to choose the place. Lord knows if we go somewhere that I don’t like, I will be a brat for the rest of the day.

And finally, random compliments!! There is the one beautiful lady at work who came up to me and said that I had a J. Lo booty about 2 weeks ago, then she said how great my skin looked. It wasn't until last week that she really noticed that I was expecting. She said she knew something must be different because I was radiant. I could have kissed her mouth. Thank you lady friend for making my day, I will keep squatting heavy and letting this little lady make my skin soft and pretty. The occasional “Pregnancy looks good on you!” brightens my life too!! You all are awesome!

Baby J and Momma Stats:

How far along? 23 weeks...we are a Papaya and 1.2 lbs

Sleep: I am an amazing sleeper these days

Best moment this week: FINALLY getting the dumb Christmas tree up. blech.  It was like a two week ordeal.

Miss Anything? DAIRY!!!! I am about 95% sure that pregnancy has caused me to become lactose intolerant---UGH 

Movement: I can see my belly move now. Homegirl is giant and strong already

Workouts: Like a BAMF

Food cravings: Strawberries

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have been a moody asshole this week

Looking forward to: Our best friend from Ohio coming to visit on friday and getting her wallpaper up in the nursery!

Babymoon in the Bahamas

LJ and I decided that it would be much more fun to go on a cruise for thanksgiving than to have to schlep ourselves back to Ohio and do that whole thing.

We dropped baby Murphy man at Camp Bow Wow and made the 4 hour venture to Charleston and hopped on the boat on Thanksgiving Day. We explored the ship and made a “no elevator rule” because we are young able bodies that can walk our asses up stairs after seeing all the people using elevators to go up one floor. If you need the elevator, cool, if you are lazy, you suck.

The boat left the dock at 5 and finally, it was dinner time. I was totally expecting some ridiculous food because it was HELLO THANKSGIVING!?!? But it was just normal cruise food, nothing special—I was PISSED. I want flair, with pilgrims, giant turkeys, and pies everywhere. WTF Carnival.

Day 1 day at sea

Got sick in the morning. Way to start it off with a bang linds. Rocking boats and morning sickness.We jacked around for the whole day again. For dinner we had oysters Rockefeller, filet mignon and short ribs. We were not Impressed with the food again but the chocolate lava cake was good. After dinner we went to a show and saw “The Brits” which was a play on the beetles songs.

Day 2 day at sea

Still too cold to lay out but there were some troopers out on the deck trying to suck the life from the sun. I wasn’t ready yet to don my bathing suit so we shopped and gambled a little bit until dinner.  It was the Captain’s dinner so we had to dress up. Have you ever tried to walk in high heels, knocked up, on a vessel that is swaying back and forth? Yeah that shit is unnecessary. At dinner we had lobster and large shrimp and dessert was a cheese plate and caramel apple delish plate of love. I would say this was by far the best day of food that we had all cruise. Levi really digs the comedy shows so we went to two of them a show for kids and adults.

Day 3

Ate breakfast and got off the boat in Nassau but not after of course getting sick. It’s a beautiful world I live in.  We walked to jenkonoo beach and just hung out. It was still too cold to lay out because of the wind, the sun was nice. We walked about 5+ miles around Nassau to see the queen’s staircase which was really neat.

 It did wear me out though. Definitely the first time I have been swollen on my feet and my hands. I looked like the state puffed marshmallow man.  It was the Ohio State Michigan game day so we had our shirts on and loved everyone yelling OH-IO and go bucks! I think we were somewhere around 20 people saying things to us :)

Day 4

Oh My God we slept in until 10am!!! I haven’t done that since high school!! We wanted to go on this sick excursion in Freeport where we would go hiking and then go canoeing and hang out with nature. It was 1 of like 5 excursions that pregnant people could go on per the Carnival booking information. LJ and I went to purchase it and of course the woman said that I wouldn't be allowed to go because it was “very vigorous” and they “don’t recommend pregnant women to take this trip” Listen lady, I don’t have time for your shit. I want to canoe and hike. Needless to say, we ended up going to the beach where LJ had an all you can drink pass and I just laid out and enjoyed the sunshine.  Check out this little lady bump.

 

Day 5 

Another day at sea.  NOOOO

Finally, we were back in Charleston and we got our land legs back. All in all the trip was good, but definitely not up to my expectations, so that kind of sucked. It was really nice to not have our phones on for 5 days and to be completely off the grid from everyone. I would give the overall trip a "C" if I had to.

Mama and Baby J Updates:

How far along? 22 Weeks- girlfriend is a spaghetti squash

Sleep: Amazing lately

Best moment this week: Although the Cruise wasnt spectacular, it was still nice to have a completely stress free week

Miss Anything? I want fat amounts of cheese. Brie, goat, and blue all in my face.

Movement: homegirl is a gymnast. She is going to be doing muscle ups way before her momma. She also is no longer just hanging out in my lower abdomen--she is all over!!

Workouts: :) I made Levi go to crossfit with me on Wednesday. He was pretty happy with me about that. Poor guy hates the stairs today

Food cravings: I like food. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy 

Looking forward to: Putting up the wallpaper in her room and buying her crib

Do great things

Linds